How to ruin your life in three simple steps.

Ah, the weekend. Mother came to visit and paid my car tax for me, which was a good thing. We did too much walking and too much shopping, compensated for with a large piece of cake, so not all bad. xxxrated was back in town which meant my alcohol levels rose (good preparation for Whitby but today I have the shakes and my coursework hasn't been touched). Missed a good house party on Saturday night and went to 'Moxie Plenty' instead, which was a *bad* thing. Sunday was spent in a pub with many, many people and many, many beers.

Lessons learned:
1. It's fun to make Partridge eat money.
2. Going to a club where everyone else speaks Welsh is not a clever plan.
3. bias goes up to 11. Burp scoring systems must be re-evaluated.
4. We could make a fortune from bottling Esther's pheromones.
5. Pubs need monkey bars.
6. Remind me to never ever ever drink again. Ever.
7. I need to hire someone to follow me round when I'm drunk and say "No. Wrong. Bad Squiddy. Don't *do* that."

Apologies to:
1. manicman for the phone call.
2. Dan, for my wonky thinking.
3. Partridge, for vomiting spare change.
4. People, for my despicable behaviour.