"Mother played by Peter Beardsley, father by John Cleese..."

Who would play you in a film of your life? What would the trailer be like? What about the title and tagline? Soundtrack?

I would be Neve Campbell and my trailer would have guns and explosions (artistic licence), beer, a cameo appearance by Rob Zombie, some snappy one liners and lots of people being clobbered by baguettes.
It would probably be called something dull like 'Squiddy' (tagline: "Drink. Debauchery. Bread-related products") Cert 18. Contains scenes of mild peril.
OST featuring Combichrist, Cubanate, G15, Bonzo Dog, Primal Scream and Zodiac Mindwarp.

Are you bored Squiddy? Why yes. However did you guess?

Matchstick goths and matchstick cats and dogs...

Oh Wow. This is awesome. Teeny tiny ikkle Lilliputian shops. Very handy for discovering the names of places you've bought stuff from and making up sensible directions.

On the other hand - bah. Buffalo shoes have totally closed down (and seem to have moved their HQ to Germany - although I couldn't find any chunky trainers in the German shops) *and* the GordonJack shop doesn't have a website. Can someone please point me in the direction of a shop selling boot-style platform trainers (not Swears - they're too clompy).